A. Kelsey Metcalf writes monthly columns about diabetes and travel as well as parenting as a diabetic. She has had Type 1 diabetes for 29 years and visited four continents. To read her full ‘Experts’ bio and past articles, click here.
When my daughter was three years old, we were sitting on the couch one day when she asked to see my pump. At the time, I was wearing a purple one so I’m sure it looked quite nifty to a preschooler. I handed it to her and watched carefully as she pushed a few buttons and squinted at the screen. “I wish I had diabetes,” she suddenly blurted out.
“Oh, Sweetie,” I responded, “you really don’t.” I then explained (again) how I had to wear a pump because my body couldn’t produce insulin, that insulin was required for any body to work properly and that my pump gave me insulin all the time.
I talked about how lucky she was that her body ran perfectly. Still, I was talking to a three year old, so I can’t say I was overly surprised when she crossed her arms across her chest, furrowed her determined brow and refused to budge in her opinion that mommy was denying her THE MOST INCREDIBLE THING EVER by not permitting her to have diabetes so she too could have her own pump.
Fast-forward three years. At that time, the little green-eyed monster appeared when I exchanged my purple pump for a pink one, when I’ve needed the occasional glucose tablet and any time I get attention (positive or negative) related to my diabetes.
My daughter has become my little helper now. She tests my blood sugar for me every now and then. (I have to pretend to be REALLY scared and she gets to tell me, “Now, now, this won’t hurt a bit.”) She helps me put tape on my transmitter and sensor.
She hasn’t told me that she wished she had diabetes for about a year. I believe the day-to-day reality of the disease is more evident to her now. I worry that the day will come when she will ask me some really tough questions.
In my mind I picture a loving Lifetime television moment where we have a heart-to-heart about diabetes and I assure her that mommy will do whatever she can to always be there for her. I do realize that our moment will likely not be a thing like what I’m imagining. Still, I expect it to happen.
A couple months ago, shortly after my daughter went to bed I heard the suppressed hiccup/hyperventilating/sobbing of barely-contained drama coming from the top of the steps. Since she’s not one to get out of bed after bedtime I ran to the stairs expecting to see blood. On the top step she sat, looking wretched and pathetic (but unharmed), barely holding it together.
“What’s the matter??” I asked.
“Mommy, I DON’T WANT YOU TO DIE!” she wailed.
Here we go, I thought. I sat down with her, gave her a hug and asked her what made her think of that. In one breath, she told me that a boy in her school told her that people can die from H1N1 and she had heard her father and me talking about how I hadn’t been able to find somewhere to get vaccinated yet. She didn’t want me to die from the flu.
I admit that I laughed. I couldn’t help it! Here I was expecting a deep, difficult discussion about life with a chronic disease rife with potential complications and instead found myself discussing swine flu. I told her I’d get the vaccination as soon as I could and not to worry. She ran off to bed without further incident.
The conclusion I came to is this: I do believe that as she gets older we’ll have more serious and more detailed discussions about diabetes and what it means to me and to us as a family. But for now what I hope my daughter sees is someone living successfully with a chronic condition. I think the best thing I can do is continue to try and show strength in adversity – even when adversity comes in the form of one jealous six-year old.
(Each of the Expert columns are based on the experiences and knowledge of the individual columnists. The columns are meant to provide you with helpful information, but are not meant to be considered direct advice. Before making any decisions that could affect your health, make sure to contact a physician or the appropriate medical professional.)
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