A. Kelsey Metcalf writes monthly columns about diabetes and travel as well as parenting as a diabetic. She has had type 1 diabetes for 29 years and visited four continents. To read her full ‘Experts’ bio, click here.
From the moment we met her, my daughter always had to have a drink in her hand. Wow, if you didn’t know I was writing about a now six-year-old, that could be a very worrisome statement indeed. However, I’m speaking not of alcohol but rather about a baby who started off as fussy and desperate until we taught her some basic words in sign language and then she made the sign for water or milk…ALL THE TIME. So I did what any self-respecting person with Type 1 diabetes would do. I asked her pediatrician to test her blood sugar.
The doctor did what any self-respecting doctor would do when a child’s mother hears hoof-beats and assumes it’s a zebra. She looked at me like I was crazy. Then I told her I had diabetes and her face softened and she said, “but it says in her chart that your daughter is adopted…?”
It’s true, she is. When my (at the time) boyfriend and I talked about our future and the idea of one day starting a family, I explained that if we chose to have children, I didn’t want to give birth. I felt strongly that there were too many kids in this world that needed a home for me to endanger my health and the baby’s health by enduring a pregnancy and subsequent childbirth. I knew I’d worry constantly about that baby developing Type 1 diabetes and would never forgive myself if it happened. I didn’t want to pass on my “defective genes.” (When to Worry About Your Kids Getting Diabetes Too)
It was a decision that was relatively easy for me. At the time I happened to know two families where the wife (in one) and the husband (in the other) had Type 1 diabetes. In the one family, both of their two children also have the disease. In the other, one of the three has diabetes and they are pretty sure their oldest, in college, was about to be diagnosed. While I knew that these examples were very rare, I just didn’t want to even chance it. It didn’t matter to me if my child and I shared the same DNA. And like everyone else, I had seen Steel Magnolias…
When my boyfriend turned into my fiancé and then husband, he remained very supportive of this decision. He was the one who came to me after we’d been married for two years and said, “I’m ready to adopt.”
Together we embarked upon an incredible journey – the details of which, in the interest of brevity, I’ll save for another day. We started to tell people that we were going to adopt. My endocrinologist quite literally applauded the decision. Our friends were excited and full of questions. We took my family out to dinner to make our announcement. When I finally told my parents what we were planning, I thought I noticed tears in my mother’s eyes. I worried that I had disappointed her. My sister told me later that my mother thought we were going to announce that we were pregnant and it was relief and not disappointment that made my mother cry.
Our daughter entered our home at 10 months old and everyone marveled at how she looked just like my husband. I learned that her laugh could make my heart soar and her tears make it plummet, and that it didn’t matter where she came from or who her birth parents were – I still worried.
Her pediatrician explained to me on that day so long ago now, that my child was putting on weight, happy and hale and probably NOT diabetic. To this day, my child still is never overly far from a glass of water and there’s probably two on her nightstand as I type. It is just the way she is. It’s still possible that she could develop diabetes, we don’t know too much about her medical history and wouldn’t THAT just be the definition of irony? If that day does happen though, at least we know what to do. In the meantime, I will continue to worry just like any other mother, and try to keep myself from pricking her finger while she sleeps….
(Each of the Expert columns are based on the experiences and knowledge of the individual columnists. The columns are meant to provide you with helpful information, but are not meant to be considered direct advice. Before making any decisions that could affect your health, make sure to contact a physician or the appropriate medical professional.)
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